You and Me

Once I had a thought, it was a sad thought, the ones you wish would go away but they keep growing, and growing deep inside your mind, a large tree like thought. I was feeling sad cause this thought took over my emotions, took over my being and even though I was surrounded by a joyous crowd, I felt lonely, alone and so bitter. In this thought you flew away, far far away. In some distant state or city that didn’t make since to drive to. I shouldn’t feel like this, I shouldn’t feel like you abandon me, I shouldn’t feel like it was the end of you and I. There wasn’t ever you and I. There was just you and me, not you and I. You and I are what couples, married duets or engaged folks call themselves. You and me are two friends, two convertibles driving along the road and occasionally, while passing each other, we smile and give a wave, and sometimes have a race who can get farther along the road. While you pass me up, I slow down and eventually stop, cause I want to call us “you and I”. I want to tell people “you and I” are happy and “You and me” is just a distant thought. So You, perfect You, Please don’t go to a far away place, because Me will be so sad, and Me doesn’t want to be sad. Cause all Me wants is the chance to be You and I, but You need to let me be I. So Let me be I, You.

The boy by the lake.

I write lots of stories, here’s a short passage from one of them. The main Character Elizabeth is suicidal and has been for most of her teenage life. Now 27 years old she’s reliving her dark past and is hit with depression once more, making her suicidal again. She’s talking to a man named Patrick who is silently in love with her, she talks about what stopped her from jumping off the brooklyn bridge when she was a teen, and why she was scared to take her life back then. Now that she’s an adult and has been faced with a lot of life threatening situations, she’s definitely not so scared anymore, and after a bad break up happened with the love of her life, David, she’s reminding herself of a dream.

The Boy from the Lake

She would look at the sky, her hazel green eyes fixated on the stars, almost in a trance, like she wasn’t really looking at them. “I, I want to die” she says motionless, laying herself on her back, placing her hands in a x shape on her chest, like she was in a casket, closing her eyes, still motionless, lost. She was still dripping wet, as the water fell from her soaked clothing and body, it made a stain on the wooden pier, that was closely around where she laid. She would mumble in a daze ” I…”, she would hesitate, as she is reminded of visions that came to her in her sleep “I had this dream once, I was a doctor, and my job had put me in a situation that required me to go to a car accident, that was the cause of many deaths and injuries” she paused for a second, her eyes still closed.  “The car had slid off of a bridge and fell off into a cold frozen lake, filled with small ice chunks drifting on the surface, the screaming scared passengers breaking the cold thick air. Other cars were involved as well, flipped over and slammed against each other. I guess I was to save them” she said emotionless.  “But this kid, he stood there for a second looking at me strangely, like I was to go to him, and then suddenly he jumped into the water, falling into the cold, frozen hell it was. I ran after him”. She would open her eyes still lost in a dream, “but he disappeared from the water!” she would say feeling tricked by the boy. “Like my mind created him so that I would fall in murky dark bitter cold water, and I did, the cold water shocking my every inch, freezing me whole, it felt like needles of ice stabbing my body, inch by inch, and yet, I had to kick, and I did, or at least I tried. I was almost to the top, but I stop. I stopped kicking. I stop fighting. I wanted to swim, but I couldn’t. I was frozen not only physically but emotionally. I saw myself in the deep ocean, covered in blue, surrounded by chaos. I would let myself drift away in the frozen hell, the light from the hidden sun trying to find its way to me, but I was to far deep in the abyss of the lake. I sank until the cold water washed me away. I died. I saw myself dead. I was dead. I wanted to die and I did, but when I died, I didn’t want to be dead anymore. I wanted to live. I wished I would’ve kicked. I wish I would’ve fought”. She throws her arms in the air above her, as if she was reaching for a hug from the sky she faced, “a Man jumped into the water, brought my lifeless body to the surface, he was a doctor to, he shocked me, the electricity flowing through my veins. He tried to save me, but at this point It was my turn. No medical miracle could save me now, I had to save myself now. So I cried. I begged for for a second chance. I fought. I kicked.” a tear rolls down her face “I lived, I searched for a miracle. I searched for some ray of hope that my life would be better. That I could move past this. So I Lived. I lived. I was Loved. I was cared for, someone cared. Some. one. cared. But now, I want to die again. This dream, was it for me, it saved me, but I was afraid of death back then. Now It’s a fear that I have faced over and over again. David was that doctor who saved me, and now he’s the boy who tricked me in the water in the first place.

The cheese broke my heart (lyrics) By Elizabeth Amara

Funny Story… This song was written for a video game called “Transformice”. Go check it out sometime, It will surely give you a laugh.

The Cheese broke my Heart

~Chorus~

The cheese broke my heart,

when it ran away from me

The cheese broke my heart,

when I watched it flee

The cheese broke my heart,

when it ran away from me

The cheese broke my heart

when I watched it flee

~Verse one~

I never thought it be so hard to get to you,

I was struggling, falling, and crying

Cause all i wanted was you

I’ll even risk my life to!

We never thought it be so hard to get to you

We were laughing, dancing and sighing

Cause all we wanted was you

We all die going after you!

~Chorus~

The cheese broke my heart,

when it ran away from me

The cheese broke my heart,

when I watched it flee

The cheese broke my heart,

when it ran away from me

The cheese broke my heart

when I watched it flee

~Verse two~

I never thought it be so hard to catch you

I was running, jumping and sliding

Cause all i wanted was you

You just smelled so good

We never thought it be so hard to catch you

We were hopping, ducking and walking

Cause all we wanted was you

You are just so good

~Chorus~

The cheese broke my heart,

when it ran away from me

The cheese broke my heart,

when I watched it flee

The cheese broke my heart,

when it ran away from me

The cheese broke my heart

when I watched it flee

Bridge

You were so high, I could barely see you

You were so high, I could barely smell you

You were so mine, as I get over this cliff

You were so mine, when I got you as a gift

Mr. cheese, why did you did hurt me?

Mr. Please, all I wanted was something yummy

Cheese, why did you break my heart?

Cheese, why did you leave from the start?

~Chorus~

The cheese broke my heart,

when it ran away from me

The cheese broke my heart,

when I watched it flee

The cheese broke my heart,

when it ran away from me

The cheese broke my heart

when I watched it flee

In the middle of the night (Song Lyrics) By Elizabeth Amara

In the middle of the night

Verse One

You can never imagine, what feel for you

You can never understand, why I feel the way I do

I dream about you, every night in my sleep

I dream about us, and what we could be.

~Chorus~

In the middle of the night, I’ll dream of you tonight,

and my heart beats stronger for you.

In the middle of the day, I’ll pretend i’m ok,

even though I know it’s not true

In the middle of the night, I’ll pretend I’m alright,

my heart beats stronger for you

In the middle of the day, I’ll pretend we’re ok,

even though I know it’s not true.

Verse two

They can never feel the love, that I have for you

They can never see, what I see in you

Can we ever be close, even if we’re far?

Can we ever go back, to they way we were before.

~Chorus~

In the middle of the night, I’ll dream of you tonight,

and my heart beats stronger for you

In the middle of the day, I’ll pretend i’m ok,

even though I know it’s not true

In the middle of the night, I’ll pretend i’m alright,

my heart beats stronger for you

In the middle of the day, I’ll pretend we’re ok,

even though I know it’s not true.

Oh..

In the middle of the night,

I’ll pretend i’m alright

~Chorus~

In the middle of the night, I’ll dream of you tonight,

and my heart beats stronger for you

In the middle of the day, I’ll pretend i’m ok,

even though I know it’s not true

In the middle of the night, I’ll pretend i’m alright,

my heart beats stronger for you

In the middle of the day, I’ll pretend we’re ok,

even though I know it’s not true.

A+ Gods hear my prayer.

As I get my brand new assignment which was supposed to be given to me on Monday night, but wasn’t given to me until Wednesday night, I was quickly reminded on Thursday night that sleep simply does not exist. So I start analyzing that random Haydn piece from that one class that makes me do these kinds of things, and complain to myself how I have no idea what I’m doing and I honestly feel like falling down some stairs would give me less stress then this. On to the next day when this assignment is due, I start to realize that, that one question that asks me “Identify what parts you had trouble with or found problematic” I wrote a longer paragraph then the other questions, because honestly my notes were of no help and well emailing the teacher was just out of the question. I would love to blame procrastination, but well… It really had nothing to do with him. So for now I will pray to the A+ Gods and hope that they will bless me, so good night… or morning..

Why do we work so hard to perfect our Craft?

On a random Wednesday, a group of friends and I went to the gym, and did our own thing for about a hour and then met up in the pool area. We went swimming in the big pool for awhile, but shortly after we went to the hot tub to relax. As Music majors; especially vocal majors, we tend to sing everywhere we go, so we did! There were 4 boys and 1 girl and I, and the boys started singing their choral music in the hot tub, where this lady happened to be meditating and praying to God. She said during her deep focus meditating and praying, she was in a really dark place trying to figure out why her life has been so tough at the moment, but when we started singing it was like God answering her prayers. She looked at us and told us that music was beautiful and had asked us to sing another song, but with all of us. So we sang the first verse of silent night, in various harmonies, and then looked at her when we were done. She was literally brought to tears because of how beautiful she thought we had sounded. For her we were like Angels from God, and whether you’re spiritual or not, music therapy is such a real thing.

So why am I telling this story? Me as a musician or really anyone who is perfecting their craft tend to forget the why? For any Music Majors who read this, this is why we do it, this is why we learn to play our instruments. This is why we spend so many hours investing in our craft, not for us, but the people. Whether it’s to inspire a child your same love, or to temporarily free someones mind of the struggles at home, we do it for them. This woman made my heart shakey and almost brought me to tears knowing that just singing in a hot tub, being silly, seriously moved her. For me personally this is a reminder of why I’ve been studying Music for almost 5 years. I hope anyone else who read this can also be reminded of their reason for why they work so hard to perfect their craft.