I wish

I wish I can help you. I wish I could help guide you to where you want to be. I wish life was more simple. I wish that being 25 and new to the world wasn’t so scary. I wish life wasn’t so scary. I wish I could help you, because to me you’re awesome, to me you’re a star, to me you’re it, all of it. I wish I could tell you this, and I wish if you knew this, that would let me take your hand and let me walk life with you. But life isn’t so easy for those whose life is at a pause. Me? I’m stuck, I don’t have it all figured out, I have strict morals and a picky heart. I complain about college almost everyday,  I am surrounded by people 5 years younger than me, and my biggest fear in life is failing. Failing because I quit. Failing because I gave up. I’ve thought about giving up almost every week. I ask myself “am I doing the right thing” and then convince myself to keep going, because I’ve been at it too long. Sometimes I wonder if people hate me because I have the attitude of a grad student, but a label that is like a clock stuck at the same time because the battery died. I know how to jump through my professors hoops, and most of the time do well. Every Once in awhile I find a hoop that is way to high and I trip and fall and slam my face on the ground, which is why I complain about college to begin with. I’m tired, I’m exhausted, I want to quit, but I just can’t so I won’t. Point is, that I’m stuck, but I’m not paused. I see you, I see your awesomeness, your talent, and I silently stare. I could stare at you for hours, this isn’t” time to pick a cliche line game”, this is how I feel, this is what I do. Though I could go on about how much I would love to love you. How much I would love to cook you 3 meals a day. How much I want to be the one to make you feel happy when you’re sad, or work hard to make you feel better when you’re sick. That is what I want to be. But those are just thoughts that seem so far from being reality. Truth is I want something so much more then that. I want to see you fly. I want to see you doing something you love. You deserve it, So how do I help? How do I make my wish come true? Even if I remain your friend down the street, can I at least be the friend that helps you get back on your feet?  Because I wish I could help you, I wish I could be your traveling partner in life. I wish to take your hand and run through a field of time, showing you that you can do anything. You can do anything, and I want to show you, you can. So friend, do you understand? I wish I can help you.

What are we waiting for?

What are you waiting for? I’m clearly not thinking straight, my heart is pounding, my hands are shaking. I’m nervous, my breathing is speeding up, and the sudden urge to stop looking in your eyes and kiss you is high. So what are you waiting for? Don’t be so shy with me. Don’t be so kind. Don’t tease me this way. It’s not fair for the both of us. This playing tag needs to stop. Grab my hand, and drag me into a field. Let us run under the sky, the stars dancing above us. The moon our only source of light. The trees dancing in the wind. The grass covering our legs. I want you to hold my hips and dance to the tune of the crickets. I want you to brush my hair out of my face, and tell me i’m beautiful. I want you to show me, that you love me as much as you say you do. This whole world is for us to explore so, make me explore it with you. I don’t want to live this life without you by my side, cause you showed me how to love like I never have loved before. Heaven is a place on earth when you love me. So hold me, kiss me, stare at me. What are you waiting for? Show me I’m yours. Tell me I’m yours. Call me yours. This isn’t something wild and impure. Just show me you love me. Prove to me you care. I’ve been hurt before, but you put bandages and healed my scrapes. You tended to my wounds, and made my bruises disappear. Can we swim under the sea, holding hands? Can we climb the tallest trees and see the world under us?  Can we lay in the grass and speak about our past? Can we go on top of the tallest mountain and scream we’re the king and queen of the world? What are you waiting for? I want to experience this world with you by my side. I want to live life with my hand in yours. I want my heart beating next to yours. I want my breath to sync up to yours. What are we waiting for?