I wish

I wish I can help you. I wish I could help guide you to where you want to be. I wish life was more simple. I wish that being 25 and new to the world wasn’t so scary. I wish life wasn’t so scary. I wish I could help you, because to me you’re awesome, to me you’re a star, to me you’re it, all of it. I wish I could tell you this, and I wish if you knew this, that would let me take your hand and let me walk life with you. But life isn’t so easy for those whose life is at a pause. Me? I’m stuck, I don’t have it all figured out, I have strict morals and a picky heart. I complain about college almost everyday,  I am surrounded by people 5 years younger than me, and my biggest fear in life is failing. Failing because I quit. Failing because I gave up. I’ve thought about giving up almost every week. I ask myself “am I doing the right thing” and then convince myself to keep going, because I’ve been at it too long. Sometimes I wonder if people hate me because I have the attitude of a grad student, but a label that is like a clock stuck at the same time because the battery died. I know how to jump through my professors hoops, and most of the time do well. Every Once in awhile I find a hoop that is way to high and I trip and fall and slam my face on the ground, which is why I complain about college to begin with. I’m tired, I’m exhausted, I want to quit, but I just can’t so I won’t. Point is, that I’m stuck, but I’m not paused. I see you, I see your awesomeness, your talent, and I silently stare. I could stare at you for hours, this isn’t” time to pick a cliche line game”, this is how I feel, this is what I do. Though I could go on about how much I would love to love you. How much I would love to cook you 3 meals a day. How much I want to be the one to make you feel happy when you’re sad, or work hard to make you feel better when you’re sick. That is what I want to be. But those are just thoughts that seem so far from being reality. Truth is I want something so much more then that. I want to see you fly. I want to see you doing something you love. You deserve it, So how do I help? How do I make my wish come true? Even if I remain your friend down the street, can I at least be the friend that helps you get back on your feet?  Because I wish I could help you, I wish I could be your traveling partner in life. I wish to take your hand and run through a field of time, showing you that you can do anything. You can do anything, and I want to show you, you can. So friend, do you understand? I wish I can help you.

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